


I'm in Love with YOU

by StarfireXL



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: (cuz I like both), (love that head canon), (whichever one you want to hc), Gender Dysphoria, Lance will love Pidge no matter what gender they are, Other, Pan/Bi Lance, genderfluid pidge
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-06
Updated: 2019-04-06
Packaged: 2020-01-05 11:19:41
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18364958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StarfireXL/pseuds/StarfireXL
Summary: Pidge has silently struggled with Gender Dysphoria all their life. Some days they're a boy and some days they're a girl, how hard is it to understand that? But it is hard sometimes, and Pidge just can't deal with the effort to explain it all. And Lance...it's never gonna happen. But, Pidge dismisses their chances way too quickly, because Lance is determined to show them that he loves them no matter what.





	I'm in Love with YOU

**Author's Note:**

> Genderfluid Pidge is a personal favorite head cannon of mine and it was SO MUCH FUN to write it! I'm not gender fluid myself, so if I got anything wrong, please, please, PLEASE let me know. This is supposed to be a supportive, fluffy fic from an ally to the plance community, and I would NEVER want to offend someone. That being said, thanks to all of you for reading and comments are very much appreciated! <3

“Katie!”

  
_That’s not my name._

  
“How’re you doing, Katie?”

  
_That’s not my name._

  
“Hurry up, Katie!”

  
_That. Is. Not. My. Name._

  
He wanted to say it. Wanted so badly to tell his friends that every time they said that name it made his skin crawl, that every time he heard it roll off of their lips he wanted to sink further into the shadows.

  
He could tell them. So easily. Four little words.

  
_I’m not a girl._

  
But every time he attempted it, every time they turned to him all he could think about was how they’d look at him. Trying to analyze him. Taking him apart piece by piece trying to figure out which parts of him were male and which were female. Like he was some kind of specimen on a lab table waiting to be cut open.

  
But what if he was neither? He really couldn’t tell most days. Sometimes he’d wake up and the sun would shine and everything felt so right. He felt comfortable in his skin and when his parents called him “Katie” he didn’t feel like a snake was slithering up his spine. He felt alright.

  
And other times he’d wake up and the moon was shining softly outside his window. He’d walk downstairs for a midnight snack and when his brother called out to him, “Pidge!” He didn’t feel like fire ants were crawling over his skin. He felt at peace. He felt alright.

  
But then there were those days that he would wake up and there was a storm outside his window, the winds changing faster than the rain could keep up, each droplet battered by a relentless gale, shooting sideways and backwards and forwards until the world was one turbulent blur of darkness.

  
Those were the days he didn’t know. The days he felt like everything and nothing all at once, the entire world squeezed into his pint sized body, but he was still filled with empty space.

  
What was he? Girl or boy? Or neither? Or both?

  
Those days he didn’t know. He didn’t know who the _hell_ he was. How could he not know??

  
But, thankfully, today was a good day. Well, a decidedly _male_ day. He was in his green and white striped turtle neck and brown shorts surrounded by each of his great loves. Technology, trash floofs, peanut butter cookies, and....

  
_Lance_.

  
Sweet, blissful, ignorant Lance. To him, Pidge was only a girl, a nerdy, snarky, tough as nails _girl_. And he liked girls. A girl would be the one Lance would take out to dinner, candlelight illuminating his sapphire eyes like the sun reflecting off the ocean. A girl would be the one Lance would kiss under the stars, fingers trailing through her hair as he whispered every sweet promise to her. A girl would be the one he’d propose to, the one he’d marry at sunset on Varadero beach. A girl would be the one he’d love.

  
And Pidge wasn’t a girl. At least, not today.

  
There were some moments where it seemed possible. The days he was female when Lance didn’t seem so out of reach. There would be a heartbeat when Lance would meet his gaze and there would be this...glow. Filled with an unknown warmth that might be....

  
_No. Stop thinking about that._

  
Each time Pidge got the tiniest flicker of hope, he’d wake up feeling like a male the next day and then Lance would slip through his fingertips again. And Pidge would be left with this restlessness, this desire to reach inside himself and flip the switch that would turn him female again. But it didn’t work like that. God...why couldn’t it work like that?

  
So when Lance bested Pidge in MarioKart for the first time in years ~~(Pidge blamed the dysphoria)~~ , when he threw down his control and turned that beaming smile on Pidge, when he said “Take that, Katie!”

  
Pidge snapped.

  
“SHUT UP! THAT’S. NOT. MY. _NAME_.”

  
Lance flinched, eyes wide in surprise and hurt. Each word a slap in the face. “I-what do you mean?”

  
_Oh God no..._

  
Like any deer in headlights, Pidge froze, before regaining feeling in his feet and bolting out the door. He ran. Just flung the controller away like it burned him and ran.

  
_Away. Got to get away. Away from here, away from him, away from everything._

  
“STOP!” Pidge jerked to a halt, Lance using his cursed long legs to out run him and take the lead, his lanky body blocking the path forward.

  
“Katie, please tell me what’s wrong, what did I do?” His eyes glimmered so sincerely, but he said that name again. It wasn’t his fault, sometimes Pidge readily replied to “Katie” and would hide the flinch other days, but he had had enough. He was going to explode.

  
“That-I’m not Katie...”

  
Lance tilted his head adorably, brows furrowed, dang it he was so _cute_. “Are you some evil clone then?” It was a joke, Pidge knew it, but he couldn’t conceal the wince, not this time.

  
Lance’s eyes widened and suddenly Pidge was drowning in their endless blue, Lance’s words faint whispers from the shore.

  
“I’m-I’m so sorry K-Pidge....?” His voice was hesitant, thick with guilt, he didn’t want to do more damage than he already had. In the back of his mind he replayed every moment he would call Pidge “Katie,” all the times a shadow flickered over his friend’s face before the sunshine would return. All the times he caught it, but was too confused and afraid to figure out what it meant.

  
“No,” Pidge’s soft voice jolted him from his thoughts, “I’m sorry, I’m being dramatic, it’s not a big deal.”

  
“Yes it is!” Lance snapped back, his eyes were blue flame that scorched away the shudders running down Pidge’s body. “I just...why didn’t you tell me I was hurting you?”

  
“Because I like you,” Pidge wanted to jump off a cliff the second the words were said, “I mean...you like girls and I’m not a girl, I mean I _am_ , like sometimes I’m Katie, but not today, and not yesterday, those days I was Pidge, but the day _before_ that-“

  
Pidge sighed. It was pointless to explain. No one could ever understand. “Lance, I-I like you...a lot, for a long time, and I didn’t tell you because I thought....maybe if you thought I was a _only_ a girl...maybe you’d like me back.” Pidge cringed, that was so stupid. Was that all he could come up with? “And I-somedays I don’t even know who I am and—“

  
“Pidgey...look at me...” Lance’s voice was suddenly so close. When Pidge looked up, the brown haired boy’s face was only centimeters from his own. Pidge had never been this close to him. Had never noticed how his eyes had touches of gray or how he had a sprinkle of mocha brown freckles dotted across his nose.

  
“I...I fell in love,” Lance murmured.

  
Pidge stiffened, his heart shriveling. There it was. Reality. He should have known...

  
Pidge moved to run the other way, desperately trying to hide his face. But Lance grabbed his wrist in a vice-like grip, refusing to let go until he said everything he wanted to.

  
“I fell in love with this person. They’re _everything_ to me. They amaze me every day with how insanely smart they are, they could literally rule the world if they wanted to, easily, but this person...” Lance’s gaze softened, “This person would never do anything to hurt anyone. They want to help, want to make the world a better place for others. They’re kind and sweet, but are so strong at the same time. They don’t take any nonsense from anyone and will fight ‘til their last breath for their friends. They have freckles and wear glasses and have the cutest rat’s nest of brown hair—They...they’re the love of my life.”

  
If Pidge wasn’t alive right now, he would have been certain his heart had stopped.

  
“D’you know who I’m talking about?” Lance’s voice was impossibly soft, smooth and warm as honey.

  
“I...”

  
“It doesn’t matter to me whether you’re a boy or a girl or anything in between. After all...I didn’t fall in love with Katie. Or Pidge....”

  
“....I fell in love with _**you**_.”

  
Pidge lunged forward before he knew what was happening, slamming his lips onto Lance’s. He could feel the wet tracks tears made down his face, but he didn’t care. It felt good to finally let it out, to finally fall against someone and know that they’d catch him. As Lance smiled against his lips, Pidge could tell the kiss was sloppy and unskilled, but there was plenty of time. Plenty of kisses he planned to give and to receive. As Katie. As Pidge. As both. As neither.

  
Because as long as Lance was with him...

  
...he would always know who he was.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Follow me at my Tumblr: @starfirexl!


End file.
